Love/Hate Relationship

An open letter to Salvadoran culture ...

Look, I know I'm different.  No need to remind me every 5 minutes.  Outwardly, I'm blonde, blue-eyed, white, and sometimes my Gringo accent slips through.  Inwardly, I'm independent, direct, friendly, and aching to fit in somehow.  US culture has been ingrained in me for 24 years.  Living elsewhere for 1 year, 3 months, and 1 week means I haven't yet assimilated.  And the realizations are a decent smack in the face.

Over the last month or so I've been spending a lot of time with a family from the church who has taken me under their wing and made me feel welcome and loved and cared for.  It has been such a good thing for me.  There are no words to describe how grateful I am for their friendship (could I say familyship?).  But even this good thing has bitten me in the ass, thanks to the Salvadoran gossip chain.  And my own lack of tact or something ... whatever makes one share one's life and its happenings with others.  Oh yeah, that's called community.  I try to create community.  And it whops me upside the head.  I've tried being completely open and honest about my comings and goings, who I spend time with and what we do.  That didn't work.  So then I became more private, not sharing said comings and goings, and then there were questions.  So that didn't work either.  Back to Plan #1.  Bitten in the ass.  And most recently, a conversation about Plan #2.  With a little tweaking.

What blows the most is that you Salvadorans who've decided that my life is the most interesting thing on the planet (flattering, but it'd be better if you took, you know, like, a real interest ... or better yet, did something positive for your fellow countrymen and -women) can't even be quiet about something positive that's happened in my life.  Except ya'll don't see it as a positive thing.  Instead, it's just another detail in the sitcom of the Gringa.  Never mind that my spending time with this family has been one of the best things to happen to me since I moved here in October 2010.  Never mind that they're all wonderful, caring, fun people.  Never mind that I end up sleeping there often because it's just not SAFE to walk home.  Never mind that I happen to leave the house at the same time as the oldest son.  Never mind that I've been included in several new circles since spending time with them.  Never mind that I've learned so much about so many different issues facing Salvadorans in the last month hanging out with them than I've learned in the 14ish months beforehand.

And I've half-joked that I want to stay.  Well, I still do.  But I will be moving across the city if I stay.

So what do I want?  Let me be!  Rather, say whatever the hell you want about me, but don't screw up the lives of my friends and family here.  And stop thinking I'm a drunk.  There's really no evidence.  Not even alcohol in my house.  One beer does not a drunk Sarah make.

Escalating violence

A comprehensive article on the violence El Salvador faces daily.  Puts a lot into perspective.

The Maras - An escalating problem in El Salvador

Occupy

The Occupy protests have been huge in the US over the last several months.  While not a new tactic in the realm of nonviolent action / civil disobedience, it seems "occupying" a space has seen a resurgence lately.  It's, however, definitely not a new thing at all here in El Salvador.  Students at the National University are often up in arms about something, and take over the university grounds and shut the place down for several days until their voices are heard.  San Salvador's latest episode involves the national cathedral ... Read the following article (with the help of Google Translate if you're not a Spanish speaker) to get an idea of what's going on.  I do want to mention as well that the beautiful facade of the cathedral (as you can see in the background photo on my blog) has been destroyed in this round of occupation, and a new design of some kind will go up eventually.

Masked veterans take the Cathedral

January 16, 1992

What's so great about January 16, 1992?  It's the day the Salvadoran Peace Accords were signed in Mexico, putting an end to the bloody 12-year civil war.  But what does that mean for 2012?  A 20-year anniversary, but where are we 20 years after this supposed negotiation?  13+ homicides daily nation-wide, assaults, machismo, poverty, major structural violence.  What have the Peace Accords accomplished?  An end to the organized killing that was the civil war.

But small things are happening too.  Building the social conscience with the church youth.  Reinforcing historic memory ... so we are not bound to repeat history.  What can the youth of today, many of whom were born in the years following the Peace Accords, do to improve society?  (I wish I'd taken better notes yesterday at the conversation that was organized between the youth and various war veterans ... )  Stay in school, learn, develop new ideas ... so that there will never be a need to take up arms again.

More reflections on this historic day to come later ...

2011 Highlights

Ok, friends.  In an attempt to resurrect my blogging habits (Dana, Callie ... 2012 Examen calendar??  Or at least some prompts for January?), here are some photos of important and not-so-important things that happened in my life in 2011.

Sister visit, San Salvador

January

Friend's cousin's wedding in Nahuizalco

February

Juayua

February

Valentine's Day dinner, Cal Pipil

February

Yes, I still flex my baking muscles every once in a while.

Mediation Team training, Colegio Bautista Emmanuel

March

Msr. Romero Commemorative March, San Salvador

March

Canadians, new friends, new homes, Alegria

April

Galway Girls mini-reunion! San Salvador, Alegria, La Libertad

June

It was super-cold the day we went to the laguna in Alegria, but our toes are toasty!

Wading in the hot springs.

Middle school and high school solidarity projects, San Salvador

July/August

These are some of my lovely 7th graders.

Classy McDonald's stop between MARTE, San Salvador's art museum, and dancing with Karen's friends from the University.  I have no idea what Cesar, el Oso, nor Miguel are doing ... 

August

The ladies - Cecy, Marce, Iso, Karen, and myself

Same classy McDonald's stop, San Salvador

August

Mediation Team field trip to historical sights, San Salvador

August/September

Learning to drink coconut water from said coconut

9th grade solidarity project field trip

August/September

Adam visits for a month to do research on US-El Salvador government relations during the civil war years.

September

International Day of Prayer for Peace, organized by Mediation Team, Colegio Bautista Emmanuel

September

BVS Retreat to San Cristobal de las Casas, Chiapas, Mexico

September

Celebtrating Canadian Thanksgiving with Lynden and Elizabeth, two MCC volunteers, San Salvador

Yes, that's my apartment, and a large roast chicken.

October

Folk dancing in central park in Santiago de Maria, just down the mountain from Alegria

October

Mediation Team "Seniors farewell" fieldtrip, San Salvador

November

Visiting with my boys, Sam, Milo, and Cal in North Manchester, IN

November

Thanksgiving with the family - Mom, Dad, Grandma, Megan, and Heather

November 

Thanksgiving part II with Mom's side - Mom, Benjamin, Aunt Karen, Vanessa, me, Heather, Megan, Uncle Fred, and Pop-Pop.  A really wonderful day.

November

What luck!  Met members of the Salvadoran National Beach Soccer team, who recently placed 4th in the Beach Soccer World Cup in Ravenna, Italy, while they were training at a beach resort on the Costa del Sol.

December

Closing talent show for Cal Pipil, the youth center.  Somehow I was talked into singing Someone Like You, by Adele, so here's the video.  You might need QuickTime to play it ... not sure.

December

Drinking "contraband" microbrews I smuggled from the US, while celebrating a friend's birthday in Los Planes.  Chamba w/ Mad Anthony's IPA, me with a leftover Mexican Indio, and Carlos with Otto's Slab Cabin IPA.  It was so fun to see their reactions ... we're dreaming up the possibility of making our own brew .

San Salvador

December

Christmas in Alegria with the family from my "house" where I worked in April.

December

Sunset, 22 December 2011, microbrew birthday sample day.

San Salvador

Much as the sun sets each day, it will now set on 2011.  Here's to remembering the good times, learning from the not so good, and keeping a positive outlook for 2012.  Happy New Year!

Where were you on January 1, 2011?

I spent January 1 in a hammock, journaling, reading, dozing, and listening to music.  It's common here for families to go to the beach or somewhere, get out of the house, on the 1st, but we [the family with whom I lived with at the time] didn't do any such things.  It certainly wasn't a bad way to spend the day ... but I'm hoping this year holds a little more excitement ... Happy New Year!

What aspects of your life need attention in 2012?

A lot.  I feel like there were so many goals I had set for myself when I entered BVS, and I've really only accomplished a few.

This coming year I want to focus on my spirituality, which has been put on the back burner ... much like Dana's barnacles of cynicism, I too feel like I have some sort of growth plaguing me and my attention to religion.  Knowing that my beliefs are drastically different from those of many members of the congregation here exhausts me, so much so that I've failed to see the similarities.  And this also doesn't help in the feeling of a lack of community between myself and the rest of the congregation and many of the staff.  I need to concentrate on the positive, rather than the negative.  I only hope they also give me the space to do so.

I also want to give more attention to nurturing the relationships I've formed here, both with other volunteers and Salvadorans.  I know there's a point at which people sort of stop becoming involved in other people's lives because they will soon have to part for an indefinite period of time, but I hope to maintain and strengthen relationships in 2012, rather than focus on the parting process.  If anything, I want to expand my circle of community.

While I want to continue strengthening relationships, I know I must also inevitably think about the future and what lies ahead for me post-BVS.  Yikes!  I want to find a healthy balance between planning for the next steps and being fully present in, well, the present.

And like everyone else, I too should exercise more often, eat better, stop drinking so much gaseosa (soda), and get more sleep!