As of mid-June, I've been teaching full-time. This means, folks, that instead of being the fun volunteer who showed up twice a month for "English Lab" and played super-cool Coldplay and Beatles songs, I am now responsible for classroom behavior, homework, grades, lesson plans, more grades, and feeling the huge weight that I must produce something ... the "product" in this case being students who are able to speak, or at least pronounce, English, and who will be well-equipped for whoever fills the even-popular English Teacher Spot next year. And, forgive me, folks, but I am frustrated as hell. Because I was once the fun friendly gringa who came to do exciting activities, who became a friend rather than a teacher, in this more formal role I feel I am failing. I never once took an education class, let alone an English education class or a Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages class. I feel completely lost. I don't have a book because the previous teacher didn't make the kids buy one (he relied on stapled packets instead) and it's too late in the year for me to ask them to buy a book.
I don't want to be selfish, but I didn't come to El Salvador to be a teacher. I came to help, to offer my services to others in education, other English teachers, but to be a full-fledged TEACHER of CHILDREN ... I did not sign up for that. I know a huge part of living in Latin America is learning to be flexible, but I also believe there is a point at which one must speak up and speak out. The old teacher came back to work with just the 10th and 11th grade students, and I still have 7th through 9th. 15 hours of class time shrank to 9, but it's still a lot.
I feel like my skills are much more useful elsewhere. I don't want to do a disservice to the students or the school by not knowing what the hell I'm doing, but the last few times I've brought this up in conversation, folks say Oh but you're doing a wonderful job! It doesn't matter that you don't have the methodology or the training to be a formal teacher ... you speak English so that's a huge help! Yes, folks, I was born speaking English. It is my first language. But I was not born teaching it.
When I go home in November to visit (yes, that's right, I'll be stateside for a few weeks) I am going to take an afternoon and write down some goals for the next year. And I am going to make some conditions. Not just for me, but for the next BVSer down the road, if and when someone decides they have an interest in Emmanuel Baptist Church. Condition number one: Church membership is all fine and dandy, and at first helps someone to feel part of a community, but serving on committees or constant participation in worship is a bit much. Let's back off a little. Condition number two: Unless otherwise stated by the volunteer, said volunteer will help with English classes. Said volunteer will not be expected to take on an entirely different role in which he or she has no training. Condition number three: I can't think of a third but I'm sure I'll come up with something. Writing these out sounds really selfish, but there have to be boundaries. I am finding myself "working" nearly 6 days a week, plus participation every Sunday in worship as part of the worship band ... In orientation BVS staff told us to get involved. I think I got myself over-involved, and now feel like there's no way out without damaging relationships. However, I feel like some time at home with my family will be a good time to deepen these reflections, and a point at which I can say "These are the things that are working really well for me, and these are the things that are not."
On the upside, I spent 2 hours today singing with some friends just for fun. We're going to learn some songs, brush up on some we already know, and go out into the world and see if anyone wants to listen to us ... I am really excited! We'll see what comes of it. If we decide to name ourselves, I'll let you know ... Our repertoire, besides several songs by Guardabarranco, Mercedes Sosa, and others, include Imagine by John Lennon and three songs by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Music really is the international language. It was such a relaxing time. And we're doing it again tomorrow.
Hopefully I'll have some photos soon from things I've done over the last month or so. For now, though, time to get some shut-eye before I have to set foot in a classroom again.
