An open letter to Salvadoran culture ...
Look, I know I'm different. No need to remind me every 5 minutes. Outwardly, I'm blonde, blue-eyed, white, and sometimes my Gringo accent slips through. Inwardly, I'm independent, direct, friendly, and aching to fit in somehow. US culture has been ingrained in me for 24 years. Living elsewhere for 1 year, 3 months, and 1 week means I haven't yet assimilated. And the realizations are a decent smack in the face.
Over the last month or so I've been spending a lot of time with a family from the church who has taken me under their wing and made me feel welcome and loved and cared for. It has been such a good thing for me. There are no words to describe how grateful I am for their friendship (could I say familyship?). But even this good thing has bitten me in the ass, thanks to the Salvadoran gossip chain. And my own lack of tact or something ... whatever makes one share one's life and its happenings with others. Oh yeah, that's called community. I try to create community. And it whops me upside the head. I've tried being completely open and honest about my comings and goings, who I spend time with and what we do. That didn't work. So then I became more private, not sharing said comings and goings, and then there were questions. So that didn't work either. Back to Plan #1. Bitten in the ass. And most recently, a conversation about Plan #2. With a little tweaking.
What blows the most is that you Salvadorans who've decided that my life is the most interesting thing on the planet (flattering, but it'd be better if you took, you know, like, a real interest ... or better yet, did something positive for your fellow countrymen and -women) can't even be quiet about something positive that's happened in my life. Except ya'll don't see it as a positive thing. Instead, it's just another detail in the sitcom of the Gringa. Never mind that my spending time with this family has been one of the best things to happen to me since I moved here in October 2010. Never mind that they're all wonderful, caring, fun people. Never mind that I end up sleeping there often because it's just not SAFE to walk home. Never mind that I happen to leave the house at the same time as the oldest son. Never mind that I've been included in several new circles since spending time with them. Never mind that I've learned so much about so many different issues facing Salvadorans in the last month hanging out with them than I've learned in the 14ish months beforehand.
And I've half-joked that I want to stay. Well, I still do. But I will be moving across the city if I stay.
So what do I want? Let me be! Rather, say whatever the hell you want about me, but don't screw up the lives of my friends and family here. And stop thinking I'm a drunk. There's really no evidence. Not even alcohol in my house. One beer does not a drunk Sarah make.
