Present.

A quick observation ... In the midst of thinking, "Less than 6 months to go before I get to leave this place," and "What the heck comes after BVS?" or "What the heck comes after El Salvador?", along with "Just 6 more months?  But I don't want to say goodbye to people here ...", I'm having a very hard time being present in the moment.  Enjoying what is happening now, without thinking about the future or the past.  I know this is something we all struggle with (and if any of ye faithful readers out there don't struggle with this, well, please do share the secret), but good grief, is it hard to find a balance.

There is absolutely, definitely a part of me that just.cannot.wait. to get to the United States and be done with things here.  Done with church politics, done with a very traditional "machista" way of thinking, done with cat calls (even in a baggy tshirt and jeans, mind you), done with pollution, done with assaults and muggings, and extortion ... Back in the land of hot showers, feeling clean, abundant vegetables, safe water from the tap, feeling equal and not "second class", and just plain blending in.

But all that is nothing when I think about the people I've met, the relationships I've formed, the community I've created for myself ... which I would go so far as to call a family ... and it feels wrong to just completely uproot and leave.  This is what I did when I joined BVS.  I uprooted myself, and left.  And yet, at the same time, I did not.  I can go home and visit, I can talk to people on Facebook, via Gchat and Skype, and those people will always welcome me back.  I dearly hope that El Salvador will welcome me back in the same way (assuming I do uproot myself and leave ... the jury continues to deliberate ... )

I want to be present in the moments I share with people, in the conversations, hugs, smiles, jokes, soccer games, "buckets of beer", formal and informal English classes, and pupusas.  There likely will be more blogging from here on out.  More thoughts to record, so I don't forget them later.  Moments to cherish.  Stay tuned.

la niña misionera

General life update … less than 6 months to go in BVS (well, more like a little less than 7, but there will be a month of tying up loose ends / vagabonding / visiting / cherishing / goodbye-ing, which I am not mentally counting quite yet.  I’m getting anxious to move on; not necessarily anxious to actually get on the plane and leave El Salvador, but definitely looking forward to not being so tied to Emmanuel Baptist and their ways of doing things … Some staff have left … one quit in early February, one was let go in December (if I’m not mistaken), another let go in January or early February, and one is currently in the process of finishing the last 2 weeks of their work, having submitted their resignation letter within the last few weeks.  So things are rocky around here.  Salvadoran morale is low, which makes mine plummet to new depths.

I’m nervous about the sustainability of keeping Emmanuel Baptist as a BVS project.  There, I said it.  Publicly.  I’ve mentioned this to many of you, I’m sure, and it’s something that’s been nagging at me since last year even, but with each passing day, week, month, the nagging continues.  I know at least in terms of funding this is often the case with programs in Latin America, but it seems here that the church relies on people to keep their projects / interests going, rather than there being a way to pass on the torch, so to speak.  At this point, the peace program is not rolling in the dough, and if Josué or I leave, or both of us, it’s quite likely that for lack of funding and lack of personnel, the program will founder.  Even though it is an absolutely imperative and noble thing for Salvadoran society, at both the local and national level.  We haven’t done much networking outside of the church itself, partly because there are only two of us, and partly because there seems to be a way of making connections that involves the pastor as the face of the program, rather than myself or Josué.  Quite frankly, that dampens my outlook and initiative to set something up, if I have to wait for the pastor to give me the go-ahead.  One would think he would be quite open to letting the program flourish and brag about having two committed young adults as the ones who made it into what it is, but that does not seem to be the case.  Even so, I am going to work on networking, with other churches, organizations, NGOs, government groups, universities, etc.  I know I won’t be able to do all this in just a few months, but I want to get something going so that the program doesn’t fold if and when it happens to not have specific coordinators. 

………

Next up?  No idea.  3 job applications out:  1 I know I didn’t get, and 2 I just sent out this past Thursday.  And a possible thing near DC, but that’s in the works, and I haven’t committed, though in nearly all aspects sounds absolutely FANTASTIC.  Except one thing.  And I hate to get snagged on this one thing … known as dinero for you Spanish speakers … but with college loans and a credit card payment always looming, and no savings, it would be nice to be able to pay those off and put a little something away for a rainy day (read: trip to El Salvador to visit).

Your thoughts and opinions and ears and eyes would be much appreciated as I discern what could be next.  I do know I want to be in the US, I want to use my Spanish, and would like to be within a 6-hour-drive of my parents’ in central Pennsylvania.  The rest is up to the powers that be.

6 more weeks (months) of winter?

Hello from down here.  Things are getting interesting.  Recent political events (totally blog-worthy, I just need to form my opinions first), job searching (read: vocation searching?), internal church things, and the Salvadoran capybara (it's like a tail-less groundhog) has seen her shadow ... not 6 more weeks, but 6 more months ... Or is it when she sees her shadow it's already spring?  I never remember, but whichever way it goes, the one that says 6 more weeks (months) is what I can relate to.

Two applications emailed today to Latin America Working Group.  One sent a few weeks ago to Human Rights Watch (they never replied, ho hum).  Conversation with a certain bacon fiend about future possibilities.  

A visit to El Mozote.  Finally.  Planning for a delegation in June from Manchester, yippee!  And the wheels keep turning in our peace education program, although morale is low right now.

Definitely interesting.  Hoping to carve out a little time in the near future to bring you all into my loop yet again.