A quick observation ... In the midst of thinking, "Less than 6 months to go before I get to leave this place," and "What the heck comes after BVS?" or "What the heck comes after El Salvador?", along with "Just 6 more months? But I don't want to say goodbye to people here ...", I'm having a very hard time being present in the moment. Enjoying what is happening now, without thinking about the future or the past. I know this is something we all struggle with (and if any of ye faithful readers out there don't struggle with this, well, please do share the secret), but good grief, is it hard to find a balance.
There is absolutely, definitely a part of me that just.cannot.wait. to get to the United States and be done with things here. Done with church politics, done with a very traditional "machista" way of thinking, done with cat calls (even in a baggy tshirt and jeans, mind you), done with pollution, done with assaults and muggings, and extortion ... Back in the land of hot showers, feeling clean, abundant vegetables, safe water from the tap, feeling equal and not "second class", and just plain blending in.
But all that is nothing when I think about the people I've met, the relationships I've formed, the community I've created for myself ... which I would go so far as to call a family ... and it feels wrong to just completely uproot and leave. This is what I did when I joined BVS. I uprooted myself, and left. And yet, at the same time, I did not. I can go home and visit, I can talk to people on Facebook, via Gchat and Skype, and those people will always welcome me back. I dearly hope that El Salvador will welcome me back in the same way (assuming I do uproot myself and leave ... the jury continues to deliberate ... )
I want to be present in the moments I share with people, in the conversations, hugs, smiles, jokes, soccer games, "buckets of beer", formal and informal English classes, and pupusas. There likely will be more blogging from here on out. More thoughts to record, so I don't forget them later. Moments to cherish. Stay tuned.
I might not know exactly how you feel, but definitely know what you're talking about. I didn't get to know very many people while in Derry, Northern Ireland, but I keep hoping to go back one day and have it feel like I'm coming home to someplace else. I'm certain it would be different for me, not really having anyone I can really hit up to stay with, to meet up with, etc., but I think that you've left a mark in El Salvador that won't be forgotten, and that they will always welcome you back.
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