Present.

A quick observation ... In the midst of thinking, "Less than 6 months to go before I get to leave this place," and "What the heck comes after BVS?" or "What the heck comes after El Salvador?", along with "Just 6 more months?  But I don't want to say goodbye to people here ...", I'm having a very hard time being present in the moment.  Enjoying what is happening now, without thinking about the future or the past.  I know this is something we all struggle with (and if any of ye faithful readers out there don't struggle with this, well, please do share the secret), but good grief, is it hard to find a balance.

There is absolutely, definitely a part of me that just.cannot.wait. to get to the United States and be done with things here.  Done with church politics, done with a very traditional "machista" way of thinking, done with cat calls (even in a baggy tshirt and jeans, mind you), done with pollution, done with assaults and muggings, and extortion ... Back in the land of hot showers, feeling clean, abundant vegetables, safe water from the tap, feeling equal and not "second class", and just plain blending in.

But all that is nothing when I think about the people I've met, the relationships I've formed, the community I've created for myself ... which I would go so far as to call a family ... and it feels wrong to just completely uproot and leave.  This is what I did when I joined BVS.  I uprooted myself, and left.  And yet, at the same time, I did not.  I can go home and visit, I can talk to people on Facebook, via Gchat and Skype, and those people will always welcome me back.  I dearly hope that El Salvador will welcome me back in the same way (assuming I do uproot myself and leave ... the jury continues to deliberate ... )

I want to be present in the moments I share with people, in the conversations, hugs, smiles, jokes, soccer games, "buckets of beer", formal and informal English classes, and pupusas.  There likely will be more blogging from here on out.  More thoughts to record, so I don't forget them later.  Moments to cherish.  Stay tuned.

la niña misionera

General life update … less than 6 months to go in BVS (well, more like a little less than 7, but there will be a month of tying up loose ends / vagabonding / visiting / cherishing / goodbye-ing, which I am not mentally counting quite yet.  I’m getting anxious to move on; not necessarily anxious to actually get on the plane and leave El Salvador, but definitely looking forward to not being so tied to Emmanuel Baptist and their ways of doing things … Some staff have left … one quit in early February, one was let go in December (if I’m not mistaken), another let go in January or early February, and one is currently in the process of finishing the last 2 weeks of their work, having submitted their resignation letter within the last few weeks.  So things are rocky around here.  Salvadoran morale is low, which makes mine plummet to new depths.

I’m nervous about the sustainability of keeping Emmanuel Baptist as a BVS project.  There, I said it.  Publicly.  I’ve mentioned this to many of you, I’m sure, and it’s something that’s been nagging at me since last year even, but with each passing day, week, month, the nagging continues.  I know at least in terms of funding this is often the case with programs in Latin America, but it seems here that the church relies on people to keep their projects / interests going, rather than there being a way to pass on the torch, so to speak.  At this point, the peace program is not rolling in the dough, and if Josué or I leave, or both of us, it’s quite likely that for lack of funding and lack of personnel, the program will founder.  Even though it is an absolutely imperative and noble thing for Salvadoran society, at both the local and national level.  We haven’t done much networking outside of the church itself, partly because there are only two of us, and partly because there seems to be a way of making connections that involves the pastor as the face of the program, rather than myself or Josué.  Quite frankly, that dampens my outlook and initiative to set something up, if I have to wait for the pastor to give me the go-ahead.  One would think he would be quite open to letting the program flourish and brag about having two committed young adults as the ones who made it into what it is, but that does not seem to be the case.  Even so, I am going to work on networking, with other churches, organizations, NGOs, government groups, universities, etc.  I know I won’t be able to do all this in just a few months, but I want to get something going so that the program doesn’t fold if and when it happens to not have specific coordinators. 

………

Next up?  No idea.  3 job applications out:  1 I know I didn’t get, and 2 I just sent out this past Thursday.  And a possible thing near DC, but that’s in the works, and I haven’t committed, though in nearly all aspects sounds absolutely FANTASTIC.  Except one thing.  And I hate to get snagged on this one thing … known as dinero for you Spanish speakers … but with college loans and a credit card payment always looming, and no savings, it would be nice to be able to pay those off and put a little something away for a rainy day (read: trip to El Salvador to visit).

Your thoughts and opinions and ears and eyes would be much appreciated as I discern what could be next.  I do know I want to be in the US, I want to use my Spanish, and would like to be within a 6-hour-drive of my parents’ in central Pennsylvania.  The rest is up to the powers that be.

6 more weeks (months) of winter?

Hello from down here.  Things are getting interesting.  Recent political events (totally blog-worthy, I just need to form my opinions first), job searching (read: vocation searching?), internal church things, and the Salvadoran capybara (it's like a tail-less groundhog) has seen her shadow ... not 6 more weeks, but 6 more months ... Or is it when she sees her shadow it's already spring?  I never remember, but whichever way it goes, the one that says 6 more weeks (months) is what I can relate to.

Two applications emailed today to Latin America Working Group.  One sent a few weeks ago to Human Rights Watch (they never replied, ho hum).  Conversation with a certain bacon fiend about future possibilities.  

A visit to El Mozote.  Finally.  Planning for a delegation in June from Manchester, yippee!  And the wheels keep turning in our peace education program, although morale is low right now.

Definitely interesting.  Hoping to carve out a little time in the near future to bring you all into my loop yet again.

Voting for change ...

In a nation bombarded by violence, high unemployment, and constant migration, El Salvador is thirsty for change.  Be it from the left, from the right, or from the middle, there are major issues at stake in this Sunday’s deputy and mayoral elections.  But it is also complex.  Voting systems are changing, access to technology continues to increase for the richer sectors of the population, and the sheer number of candidates makes this year’s elections rather tense.

El Salvador’s presidential elections process in 2009 was complicated.  To vote, a citizen had to first travel to the locale of their permanent address, as noted on their national identity card, or DUI (Documento Único de Identidad).  One must then report to the corresponding voting center, locate their DUI photo on a large cardboard placard, and present their DUI to the volunteer staff.  After several signatures, the ballot is presented and the voter passes to the private voting booth, votes, and folds their ballot in half and places it in the ballot box.  The voter then returns to the volunteers, signs another registry, and also places their thumbprint by their signature.  The process is complete.

There are many changes in store for this year’s deputy and mayoral elections.  Nine provinces will utilize a new process, the Residential Vote, while the other five will continue using what is termed the Traditional Vote, the process used in the last elections in 2009.  The Residential Vote requires citizens to vote in centers close to their homes, rather than travel at great distances.  The hope is that this will cut down on possible voter fraud, as neighbors will vote with neighbors.  Before this type of voting system was implemented, there were general accusations that Guatemalans and other Central Americans were brought in by certain political parties and given false DUI cards in order to increase that party’s winnings.

The largest doubt, however, besides voter fraud or violence, lies in how to mark one’s ballot.  In San Salvador alone there are 192 candidates for the Legislative Assembly, ultimately vying for 24 seats.  An example of the ballot for San Salvador, shown on national news programs, appears to be the size of a standard newspaper page, with each of the nine political parties able to list a maximum of 24 candidates for the Legislative Assembly.  This uncertainty has many citizens on edge, and why wouldn’t it, when there are also four different ways to mark one’s ballot.  That which brings the most confusion is the difference between marking the political party’s flag, and marking the photo of that party’s candidate, or marking the flag and the candidate.  For which candidate does the vote count if one only marks the political party’s flag?  Logically, marking the candidate’s photo gives them a preferential vote, but with 24 candidates per political party in San Salvador, and nine parties in total, it gets confusing.

What will happen?  Will the residential voting system be a step forward, or will El Salvador revert back to the traditional system for the next elections?  Will voters be so confused by the seemingly infinite number of ways to mark their ballots that many votes will be nullified?   The next few days will tell.

Love/Hate Relationship

An open letter to Salvadoran culture ...

Look, I know I'm different.  No need to remind me every 5 minutes.  Outwardly, I'm blonde, blue-eyed, white, and sometimes my Gringo accent slips through.  Inwardly, I'm independent, direct, friendly, and aching to fit in somehow.  US culture has been ingrained in me for 24 years.  Living elsewhere for 1 year, 3 months, and 1 week means I haven't yet assimilated.  And the realizations are a decent smack in the face.

Over the last month or so I've been spending a lot of time with a family from the church who has taken me under their wing and made me feel welcome and loved and cared for.  It has been such a good thing for me.  There are no words to describe how grateful I am for their friendship (could I say familyship?).  But even this good thing has bitten me in the ass, thanks to the Salvadoran gossip chain.  And my own lack of tact or something ... whatever makes one share one's life and its happenings with others.  Oh yeah, that's called community.  I try to create community.  And it whops me upside the head.  I've tried being completely open and honest about my comings and goings, who I spend time with and what we do.  That didn't work.  So then I became more private, not sharing said comings and goings, and then there were questions.  So that didn't work either.  Back to Plan #1.  Bitten in the ass.  And most recently, a conversation about Plan #2.  With a little tweaking.

What blows the most is that you Salvadorans who've decided that my life is the most interesting thing on the planet (flattering, but it'd be better if you took, you know, like, a real interest ... or better yet, did something positive for your fellow countrymen and -women) can't even be quiet about something positive that's happened in my life.  Except ya'll don't see it as a positive thing.  Instead, it's just another detail in the sitcom of the Gringa.  Never mind that my spending time with this family has been one of the best things to happen to me since I moved here in October 2010.  Never mind that they're all wonderful, caring, fun people.  Never mind that I end up sleeping there often because it's just not SAFE to walk home.  Never mind that I happen to leave the house at the same time as the oldest son.  Never mind that I've been included in several new circles since spending time with them.  Never mind that I've learned so much about so many different issues facing Salvadorans in the last month hanging out with them than I've learned in the 14ish months beforehand.

And I've half-joked that I want to stay.  Well, I still do.  But I will be moving across the city if I stay.

So what do I want?  Let me be!  Rather, say whatever the hell you want about me, but don't screw up the lives of my friends and family here.  And stop thinking I'm a drunk.  There's really no evidence.  Not even alcohol in my house.  One beer does not a drunk Sarah make.

Escalating violence

A comprehensive article on the violence El Salvador faces daily.  Puts a lot into perspective.

The Maras - An escalating problem in El Salvador

Occupy

The Occupy protests have been huge in the US over the last several months.  While not a new tactic in the realm of nonviolent action / civil disobedience, it seems "occupying" a space has seen a resurgence lately.  It's, however, definitely not a new thing at all here in El Salvador.  Students at the National University are often up in arms about something, and take over the university grounds and shut the place down for several days until their voices are heard.  San Salvador's latest episode involves the national cathedral ... Read the following article (with the help of Google Translate if you're not a Spanish speaker) to get an idea of what's going on.  I do want to mention as well that the beautiful facade of the cathedral (as you can see in the background photo on my blog) has been destroyed in this round of occupation, and a new design of some kind will go up eventually.

Masked veterans take the Cathedral